Bishounen: The OOC Chronicles
by Rowen123
Summary: Axel. Sephiroth. Riku. In enough OOCness to make you puke. Condemned to spend an unspecified amount of time with a fangirl of all three, there’s no telling what bizarre, weird or just plain random things they will do. Closed, will take down soon
1. How It All Started

Hey guys. This is my first upload ever. I know it sucks. Don't try to tell me what I already know, okay? (Translation: No flames please, unless they will help. --)

Disclaimer: I haven't even played FFVII, I've only seen Advent Children and listened to my friends talk endlessly about the game. I haven't played all the KH games, either. But I have read the manga XP

These two games do not belong to me, they belong the honorable Tetsuya Nomura-dono and Square Enix.

It all started with a game.

Of cards.

Played with high wagers.

And Axel-sama.

He was particularly happy about his this game was turning out, seeing how he had just learned the rules. As far as he could tell, he had a winning selection of cards: lots of spades.

"Hmmm…… haha! I DO have a club!" yelled Marluxia, slamming down the card.

"Crazy Eights is the best game ever!"

"Shut up." Sighed Xemnas, sifting forlornly through his own hand. "You're the one with all the freaking cards." He muttered, picking one up.

Demyx laughed. "You just have no luck at these kinds of games." He said, laying down a two of clubs. "Sorry, Marluxia-san."

Before he could react, Axel snapped down a two. "How's that?"

-A Half Hour Later-

Axel was in despair. All his clubs were gone. All his hearts were gone. He had nothing left but so many spades.

"There you go." Said Demyx, setting down an eight. "I call hearts."

"Like Kingdom Hearts?" asked Xemnas hopefully.

"No."

"Oh. Darn."

Axel looked through his huge stack of cards with increasing panic. Each card was spade

after spade….

"What the! Kingdom Hearts?" Axel yelled, pointing out a random window for Xemnas.

"What? Where?" he asked hurriedly, running to the window. The other Organization members turned to look also. Axel took his chance and swiped the heart under the eight for his own hand. When Marluxia came back, Axel laid down his stolen card. "Oh well. Sorry, guys."

"Let's wait for Xemnas to come back inside before we continue." Said Marluxia. "He went outside to look for it."

"Okay." Said Axel agreeably. He was about to say more when he suddenly disappeared from the table…

Riku strode out of the ice cream store. It was a bright and clear day; not much could irk him now. He was feeling so happy that he paused before going into the street, and decided to jaywalk. He was Riku, after all. But as soon as he stepped onto the street, he was transported away…

Sephiroth had always liked swords. His own, very precious and loveable to him, was always in his sight. So when he learned his private sword manufacturing business was to be inspected, he had no fears. The inspector did have a problem with his swords, though.

"Sephiroth-san," asked the inspector, "you do know that the maximum length of swords is two meters, correct?"

"It is?" asked Sephiroth sadly.

"Yes. I'm sorry, but you'll have to close your business." said the inspector. But before the silver-haired bishie could sign the forms offered to him, he was gone.

All three bishounen reappeared in a dark courtroom.

"Whaaat?" Where's my ice cream?" asked Riku, looking around him frantically.

"Silence!" yelled a hooded judge. "The parties summoned before us have committed multiple transgressions. Axel-san, you have been accused of cheating."

"Hey, it was just a game of cards!" said Axel, shrugging nonchalantly.

"Cards or no cards, it was cheating. You know better." Said the judge, closing the argument. "Next is Sephiroth-sama, accused of violating the guidelines of weapon-making. And last is Riku-san, caught jaywalking for the fortieth time."

The bishies waited in sullen silence for their sentencing.

"You are hereby sentenced to….. _Quality Time_." Said the judge evilly.

"And what exactly is a _Quality Time_?" asked Sephiroth with a mounting sense of foreboding.

"_It_ is stated here: "Spending a minimum of one month and a maximum of the accused's entire lifespan with a fangirl, every day."

"NOOOOOO!" wailed Axel. "Please! You must reconsider! You… you cannot fathom the terror of being pursued in amorous desire by a rabid fangirl!"

"The law is the law." Said the judge smugly. "All three of you shall stay in the human world until the court deems you punished. Goodbye!" he said. The judge waving his pinky finger was the last the three bishies ever saw before they vanished.

I know it sucks. But comments are welcome.


	2. Meet the Bishounen

OMG it's me again! Rawr!

Thanks very much for the nice comments. Fun Sized, you especially. Sorry about the dividers…. I didn't know the tilde wasn't supported so the dividers didn't exist.

Bwaha Masasume, you aren't as special because you know me! But thank you for commenting anyway; it makes me feel good to know the story is being read by someone else.

Enjoy! (As much as is possible…)

--

She was lost. She knew not where she was, nor where she had been. Fear rose in her chest as she realized she had no way out. Frantically, she retraced her path, as far as she could remember. It seemed to go on forever, and she soon forgot where she was before.

This time, instead of trying, Evora gave up. Sitting back in her desk, she folded her arms and sighed. Nature would always overpower man, and it showed. There was no way out of the wood maze of her desk. She stared at the clock, willing it to move faster. The second hand was forty seconds slow, and she felt she would explode until the bell finally rang, releasing her from class.

Unfortunately, it was no better in Study Skills. Evora had already finished all the notes on the chapter, and of course the teacher let them have the entire hour to finish them. On the edge of despair, Evora decided to sleep. She always needed more anyway. She plopped her head on her arms and closed her eyes.

"Class!" called the teacher. "We have a new student!" Evora lazily turned her head, and looked to the new kid-

"RIKU!" she said at the same time as the teacher. The class mumbled a dull greeting. Evora was struck speechless, her fangirl heart pounding loudly in her ears.

"Hmmm….. there is an empty seat right over there next to Evora. Evora, raise your hand please."

She weakly put her hand in the air, and watched in fascination as her beloved bishounen strode over to her and took the seat to her left. Meanwhile, the class got back to work.

"It…. It's really you….." she breathed. Riku said nothing. In the silence, Evora reached out and reverently pinched the boy on the arm.

"Hey!" he said in a low voice. "What was that for?"

"You're real!" Evora swooned. "I told them all you were real but none of them believed me-" she said with a mad glint in her eye.

"Oh. You must be the fangirl I'm sentenced to." said Riku huffily.

"Sentenced?" asked Evora innocently.

"Long story." said the bishie, waving his hand.

"Tell me." said Evora passionately, eyes sparkling. "I want to know everything about you."

Riku just whacked his head on the desk.

--

When the two got outside in the school courtyard, Evora threw her backpack on the ground and glomped Riku.

"I've loved you for so long, and now you're finally here! To hold! To be with! To take-"

"Would you stop!" asked Riku, annoyed, as he tried to extract an arm to push her off him.

"-and eat cupcakes, and go to the park, and hold hands at the amusement park, and –"

"You there!" yelled a new voice. "Evora!"

The fangirl turned her head from its place (buried in Riku's chest) to glare at the interruption on their love. One-sided love may it be.

"You know the rules, Miss Evora." said the random hall monitor. "Public display of affection is banned. Now will you come to the deans nicely or do I have to pull you two apart?"

--

The two had to wait a very long time to see the dean. Evora asked what the issue was.

"We just got a new dean." said the secretary politely. "He is new to this job. It will only be a few more minutes."

Five minutes later, Evora and Riku were called in to the office. Evora looked sullenly up at the dean, and almost fell over her own feet.

"What is the matter?" asked Sephiroth. Riku watched with mild interest.

"So many…. bishies….." gasped Evora.

"It's only two." said Riku irritably, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Bishounen……" breathed Evora, and she fainted.

--

She woke up on the couch of her living room. Blearily, she opened her eyes and looked around cluelessly. Then the events of the day flooded back to her.

"SEPHY-SAMA!" she yelled. "I'M AWAKE NOW! I WANNA SEE YOU!"

Evora heard a banging deep in the house, and the silver-haired bishie came in the room.

"Finally you're awake." he growled. "You had to miss school and you almost missed dinner, too."

"I don't care! You're here!" she said happily. Sephiroth was about to say something more when a huge crash echoed in the house.

"Hey…. What are you guys up to anyway?" asked Evora suspiciously.

"Uhm nothing." said Sephiroth with a bright but far from trustworthy smile.

"Don't make me go over there and look." she said, getting up.

"Careful-" called Sephiroth, and ran over to catch Evora when she fell.

Her cheeks bloomed bright red. "Awwwwwww!" she squeed.

"You're such a dork." muttered Sephiroth. "Getting up right after you've fainted."

Evora said nothing, as she was not capable of thinking of anything else besides the fact that she was in Sephiroth's arms.

A huge thud rocked the house, and unfortunately for Evora, Sephiroth had to investigate. He stood her up and ran from the living room.

"RRRRRGH!" Evora growled, and ran after him to see what trouble Riku was getting into.

--

Evora followed Sephy into the garage, where Riku stood beside a heap of stuff that fell out of the cabinet he was poking into.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" yelled Evora, dismayed despite herself, because she knew she would end up being the one to clean it up.

"Hey! I was just looking for a rice cooker!" Riku yelled back. "We are Japanese, you know!"

"Uh…." started Sephy, a little weirded out that he had to break up the argument. "Well, I take it you don't have a rice cooker, Evora-san?"

"No." she said, still giving Riku the Glare of Death.

"Then what can we make for dinner?" Sephy asked evenly.

"Sorry." Evora apologized suddenly, snapping out of her Glare. "I'm not a very good hostess, am I?"

"No!" groused Riku.

Evora ignored him. "We shall have pizza." she declared, closing the discussion.

--

When the three finished dinner, Evora put Sephy up in the guest room and Riku in her own bed. She spent a few hours dreaming about what she would do with her bishies until it was midnight. Evora frowned. At this rate she would never get any sleep. So, she got up and shuffled downstairs to get the only thing that would cure her insomnia: ice cream.

Yawning, she felt for the freezer handle and opened the door, shivering at the breath of cold air. She opened her eyes and stood absolutely still.

"Don't you have any other flavors of ice cream besides vanilla?" complained Axel.

Evora shut the door, stunned.

Then she opened it again.

"Well? Do you?"

"Axel! I- i- in the freezer?" Evora cried, her heart beating irregularly for the third time that day.

"Aren't you happy to see me?" the bishie asked, stepping out of the freezer and knocking over the dazed fangirl.

"Ah! I'm sorry!" he apologized, and offered a hand to help her up. Evora dreamily took it.

"I'll never wash this hand again…" she whispered reverently.

--

Yeah…… uh I guess I'm still getting used to doing this on my own, because usually Evora is played by my friend in an RP.

Yes, I will be using the honorifics just for laughs, plus because it is respectful.

Okay, yeah. Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Morning Mayhem

Yo everyone. The reviews, even though there are only, like, two new ones, make me happy and I appreciate them very much. Sorry for the long updates… blame school.

--

The next morning, Evora awoke to a scream.

"WHAT IS IT!" she gasped, sitting up suddenly. She used her expert ninja skills to pinpoint the location of the sound: somewhere on the downstairs floor.

She jumped off the couch and ran into the kitchen, where her mother stood backed against a wall and staring fearfully at Sephiroth.

"Listen, lady-san, calm down." Sephy tried to explain, and narrowly dodged a purse.

"Mom! What are you doing?" yelled Evora, running over to intervene.

"Who in the world is this!" her mother shouted, pointing a shaking finger at the approximately thirty-five year old man in front of her. Sephy looked to Evora helplessly.

"Ehm…. Listen, mom, can I talk to you privately for a moment?" her mom nodded, and scooted along the wall to Evora and was pulled into another room.

"Evora, what is going on here?" she whispered furtively. "I came downstairs to grab something to eat and leave for work and there was a thirty-year-old man in my kitchen! And he's dressed like a character in those Japanese things you like so much! Did you do this?"

"Er…." stalled Evora, thinking fast. "Yes, I did mom. I'm very sorry I frightened you; it's entirely my fault. I meant to introduce him to you today."

"Well, who is he?"

"Mom….. I've found you a new boyfriend."

"Really? I thought you didn't like me seeing other men-"

"Well, no, but this time I think I found the perfect match for you. You have to admit he's handsome."

"Yes-"

"And I know he is trustworthy and loyal. I met him… at…. school." she stuttered, telling the partial truth.

"Oh." said her mom, enticed now. She went over to a mirror to adjust her hair. "What else do you know about him?" she asked, curious now.

"He's kind and gentle." Evora continued, thinking up adjectives that described the silver-haired bishie in the game and saying the antonyms. "He really likes me and just wants to live a simple life. His…. wife died a few years back and even I can tell he needs someone he can believe in."

"Dear, that's so sweet." her mom sighed wistfully, turning to the hall door with tears in her eyes. "I would be happy to date him. I will teach his broken heart to love once more."

Evora mentally slapped herself. She absolutely could not have her mom hitting on one of her bishounen. It would activate her lethal fangirl instincts.

"Oh no! Mom! Look at the time! You've got to get out of here, it's almost nine-thirty!"

"Ack! Okay, honey, I'm leaving. Make sure that man stays for dinner or something." Evora's mom said hurriedly, getting her car keys out and giving the doomed fangirl a kiss goodbye. "SeeyalaterEviemakesureyoutakeoutthesausagefordinnerbye!"

The door to the garage shut, and an unsettling silence filled the house.

"Evora-san, what did you do?" called Sephiroth. Evora left the room, trying to wipe away any trace of guilt from her face.

"I just explained the situation, that's all. Are you the only one awake?" she asked, smoothly changing the subject.

"No, the other two are up. Riku-kohai woke up early and went for a jog, and Axel-san is hiding. Come on, you have to help me convince him it's safe." the tall bishie led Evora back out into the hall where Axel was hiding behind a potted plant.

"It's safe now, Axel-sama." Evora said gently, offering him a hand. Axel, however, was slightly paralyzed and just took her hand in a daze.

"Riku-kohai made us breakfast." continued Sephy, leading them into the kitchen. A spread of eggs, toast, orange juice and sliced fruit laid before them.

"Yeah. He's a morning person."

--

Axel snapped out of his shock as soon as he clapped eyes on all the food. Evora was teaching the two how to read American comics in the newspaper when Riku returned.

"Hi Riku-san!" Evora piped cheerfully. Riku crept in the room.

"I was…. chased…" he panted, falling into a chair.

"Oh! What happened?" Axel asked worriedly. "Did you do something… _bad_?"

"No! Well, I was jogging as usual, through the neighborhood, when I sensed a presence behind me. I turned to see who it might be, but nothing was there. However, the presence followed me my entire route. I ran faster as I came back home, and only now I sense nothing."

"Oooh, creepy." Sephy commented, biting into an orange slice.

"Yeah. And I have no idea who might have pursued me into this world." sighed Riku, grabbing a slice of toast and leaning back in his chair. Axel finished his meal, and was walking past a window when he froze.

"They're here." he breathed hopelessly. Then he turned suddenly from the window and ran to the others. "Keep your heads down!" he yelled, diving under the table. "We're surrounded!"

"What is it?" Evora asked, looking under the table where her bishounen were hiding.

"The fangirls followed Riku-kohai to this house!" Axel whispered furtively. "They surrounded the perimeter and are looking inside to find us!"

Sephiroth pounded Riku on the head. "Thanks a lot, squirt!" he scolded.  
"At least I wouldn't have attracted fanboys!" the white-haired bishie snapped back.

"Hey! Respect your elders!" Axel admonished Riku.

"That's not nice!" whined Sephiroth. "I am NOT an elder! It is impossible to measure my actual age because-"

"Keep you voices down!" Evora called, standing up from the table. "I'm gonna see if I can get rid of them."

"No, Evora-san, you'll be-" Axel called in vain.

"She has her own stake in this." Riku said gravely.

--

Evora met with the fangirls head-on. She had something (someones, actually) that she loved, and she didn't want to lose them.

"What do you want?" she asked the crowd coldly, standing on the garden hose box so she could be heard.

"You are under suspicion of hoarding bishounen." The lead fangirl answered back.

"That may or may not be true." Evora contested.

"According to The Law of Multimedia Creation, Section IX, Paragraph V Line 6.3759, and I quote, 'A fangirl may not be in possession of any bishounen without alerting all fangirls within reasonable distance and/or communicational access ability.' You have failed these-"

"I found them first! They're mine!" Evora yelled back, already tired of the official-sounding drivel. "Finders-keepers losers weepers!"

"But it is the law!" the leader argued. This went on for a bit until Evora got philosophical.

"The bishounen are human. They can make decisions on what is right for them or not. We should let them decide."

"……….. no tricks?" the leader asked suspiciously, as the sun was setting by now.

"No tricks." Evora responded, sealing the deal. She escorted all three boys into the yard where the crowd had gathered, and stood them between her and the leader.

"Choose who to go with. Her and that drooling horde of rabid fangirls," Evora glared at the leader, "or me." She smiled charmingly.

"Uh… started Axel.

"Can I phone a friend?" Riku asked.

"JUST CHOOSE!" yelled the leader.

"Um, her I guess." Sephy (the unofficial leader) decided, pointing at Evora.

"Yay I love you guys!" the lucky fangirl squeed, glomping all three bishounen.

"You've not seen the last of me!" yelled the leader evilly, being dragged away by the lesser ranks of fangirls who were getting hungry.

"Scary." Axel observed, and was squeezed extra-tight by Evora.

"I knew you guys would come to love me!" she yelled happily.

"At least they didn't have blowguns this time." said Riku sentimentally.

--

Meh that didn't turn out as well… but did I ever have a plan for it in the first place? No. Next, you have a trip to the amusement park to look forward to :D


	4. Amusement Park Antics

Hey guys! Here is the next update. For those of you that know me, from now on I'm making it a policy to keep plans for the next chapters undisclosed (except of you can get my tongue to slip, which is pretty easy -- ) And for those of you who don't know me, I'm glad to know you care. (warm fuzzies) Okay, I'll shut up and get to the story already.

--

The next day, Evora decided to have fun with her situation. She planned something she had always dreamed of, something she had been yelled at in Biology for dreaming about, something she thought of to soothe her before going to bed every night: taking her bishounen to an amusement park.

She broke the news to them at breakfast.

"Whatever you want." Axel told her, leaning casually back in his chair.

Riku just gave her a horrified look.

"Okay." said Sephiroth agreeably, scraping the jam jar clean for his toast.

"What's wrong, Riku-kohai?" Axel asked. "Did you want more syrup?"

"I can't believe you guys agreed to go with her!" he yelled.

"Don't be the party pooper." Axel scolded. "You should be happy we're not being hoarded in a basement or cuddled all day or whatever you weird fangirls like to come up with to torture us."

"Hey." growled Evora. "I'm not that bad, am I? Am I, Riku-san?" she asked, secretly dreading his rejection.

"No." the white-haired bishie mumbled. "I'm going to get ready."

When Riku left, Sephy shook his head. "There always has to be a spoilsport. He'll enjoy it, I know it Evora."

Evora hastily smiled her thanks and took her plate to the sink.  
"Axel-sama, it's your turn." she said evilly.

"No, it's Sephiroth-san's." he told her, wiping some syrup off his chin. "I did them at lunch yesterday."

"No, that was Evora-kun." Sephy argued. "You haven't done the dishes since Monday! You little cheat!"

"Nuh-uh! Just ask Riku-kohai! I traded him yesterday's breakfast for lunch!"

"I'll do them, guys! Don't worry!" Evora interrupted. The oldest bishies stopped arguing to look at her.

"………. I'll do them, Evora-kun." Axel said, getting up from the table.

"Aww, you're so sweet!" Evora squeed.

He pushed Evora away from the sink. "Get out of the way."

--

They fortunately got to the park without anymore problems. It was rather bright spring day, so Sephiroth and Riku wore sunglasses. Evora made Riku take her hand as the four walked around the park.

"This is so awesome!" she said happily.

"Yeah, I guess." Axel sighed, running a hand through his red hair. "What do you do here?"

"Ah, yes. Let's start out simple at the arcade." Evora said, rather like a tour guide. She led them into the nearest arcade and started showing them all the games inside.

"That is a shooting game, that's a basketball thing, skee ball, prize machine, driving thingy, motorcycle thingy, and _that_ is DDR." She dragged them over to the DDR machine, which was impossibly unused.

"Let me show you first." she instructed, getting on the board and selecting the easiest song. The bishies watched with an air of indifference.

"Riku-san, you're next." Evora ordered, getting down and pushing the bishie onto the board. "Choose whatever song you want."

To make a long story short, Riku chose Sandstorm because he liked the music. Not only did he choose it; he also danced to it. Evora fell to her knees in amazement.

"Riku-kun! That was unbelievable! Where did you get those skills?!" he shrugged casually. Axel was next, and he was smart enough to choose an easier song. Sephy went last, but he failed to grasp the concept of dancing and kept trying to get the arrows one-by-one.

"Enough Sephy-sama." Evora told him, dragging him off the board. "I see something I think you would love." Riku stayed to dance some more, as a crowd had gathered to watch him, and the bishie loved the attention. Axel tagged along with Sephy, and eventually the three came to a new game: Whack-A-Mole.

"I don't get it." Sephiroth said, squinting at the instructions again.

"It's simple." Evora instructed. "Just watch me." She put her quarter into the slot and grabbed the mallet. A mole close to her popped up, and she pounded it. "You just hit the moles when they come up."

"But they aren't moles. That would be…. animal abuse."

"Just pretend. It's okay to hate moles."

"If you say so."

There was a yell from the crowd around Riku, so Evora left to investigate.

"Axel-san, help me with this." Sephy asked, giving him the second mallet on the machine and scooting over. Axel took out a quarter.

"Ready?"

"Let's do this."

He put in the quarter and quickly readied himself in a warrior's stance. Along with Sephiroth, who was left-handed, those moles never had a chance. The first one came up, and the bishies whacked it at the same time. One came up on Sephy's side, and he smote the mole before it came completely out of its hole.

"My turn!" yelled Axel, smacking it just as well as Sephy.

"You have earned my respect, Axel-san," Sephy said reverently.

"I am honored."

The two pummeled the remaining moles, and Axel continued their mission by putting more quarters in.

--

An hour later, Evora came back with Riku. The older bishies had gotten very excited by this time, and before Evora had a chance to do anything about it, they solved the mole problem one and for all.

"Begone!" Sephiroth yelled, beheading any mole that came up with his sword.

"No! Sephy-sama! Stop!" Evora yelled, running over and tugging on his arm. "You can't do that!"

"I almost did it, Evora-kun! There were only a few left!" Sephiroth whined.

"That's not the point!" Evora scolded him. "You're only supposed to use the mallets!"

"But that's not effective at all!" Axel disagreed, joining in the argument. "If you just use the rubber mallets, there is no way you could do enough damage to accomplish your goal."

"That's… augh…. you have to….. urgh!" Evora griped. "Grr… that's not the point!"

"But you said to-"

"I know what I said! Let's get out of here before they find us."

--

When they left the arcade, Sephiroth's stomach growled. "Hey, Evora-kun-"

"Don't talk to me. I'm getting hungry. Do you guys have my wallet?"

"Here it is." Axel said nervously, handing it to her. She opened it up and searched through it.

"What did you do with all the money?" Evora asked frighteningly, turning to the oldest bishies slowly.

"Uh… spend it on games?" Axel confessed, dread filtering into his voice.

"Evora! Stay calm!" Riku begged her.

"I'm perfectly calm." she told him, a huge vein popping out on her temple. "So, Axel-sama, what do you propose we do for lunch?"

"Uh…"

"Hey, guys, look at this." Sephy called, giving Evora a flyer. She took it, a vein standing out on her arm.

"A go-kart race?" she continued reading down the flyer. "If you win, you get a free meal for yourself and up to four other people at any restaurant of your choice in the park. This is our only chance."

--

Riku revved his engine, showing Axel which pedal was go and which was stop.

"I think I've got it!" he yelled over to the youngest. Riku just gave him a thumbs-up and waited for the flag to go.

The race started, and Riku tore out of the pit. Axel punched the brake long enough to figure out it was the wrong one, then sped out of the pit with the very last people. Sephiroth was between them, his long hair flying out behind him. He soon passed Riku, but didn't recognize him because of his goggles. Riku 's eyes narrowed, and he changed lanes to get ahead. However, there was on guy in his way. Riku punched the middle of the steering wheel, which happened to not have a horn. The driver in front of him sensed Riku's frustration and turned around to look.

"Cloud-sama!" Riku squeaked. The spiky-haired emo nodded, his custom goggles catching the sunlight. He saluted with two fingers and sped away from Riku.

"Cotton-headed ninnymuggins." Riku growled, and gunned his engine.

Far ahead, Sephiroth sensed a presence. He looked over his shoulder just in time to behold-

"It's been a long time…_Sephiroth_."

"You just wanted to quote me from the movie!" Sephy yelled, outraged. Cloud said nothing, but maneuvered in front of his adversary. Sephy's lip curled, and he sped off catch up with Cloud.

Meanwhile, Axel was slowly but surely catching up with the rest of the pack. He came up just in time to see Sephiroth race off after Cloud. But from behind him came an anonymous and uncontrollable force: Tifa Lockhart. She was here because Cloud was taking her on a date, but she was Tifa. She had a dastardly plan in her conniving heart and was seconds away from executing it. She caught up with Cloud and Sephiroth and suddenly punched her gas, swerving forward and around in front of Cloud. Cloud's excellent warrior reflexes caught this sudden change in environment. Meanwhile, near them was Riku. He had caught up to his older competitors and was about to own them all by jumping over. But in order to make the revenge sweeter, he had to jump over Sephiroth and Cloud and show them up as pansies. The white-haired bishie crossed over four lanes and pulled up right behind the Tifa conflict. Having complete and irrational self-confidence, in slow motion he threw his weight down and popped a wheelie, gliding over the conflict. By now Cloud had decided it was time to reveal his skills. He opened the sides of his go-kart, revealing its true identity as Cloud's motorcycle. The blonde had a sword in his hand right as Tifa's go-kart rammed into his lovely motorcycle, making it vault into the air. Sensing Riku's impending collision, Cloud jumped off his motorcycle and sliced straight through the flying go-kart. Riku freed himself from the go-kart and flew though the air in a perfect arc. At the top he gracefully pressed the emergency parachute button on his vest and glided gently back to earth. Through all this, Sephiroth had managed to escape by veering off the track and skidding to a stop in the grassy center.

Eventually, Riku and Tifa's go-karts smashed into each other and burst into flame. Cloud heroically rescued Tifa and carried her to the side of the track, never knowing it was her all along. The not-so-accidental accident caused a traffic jam, and who should come puttering out of the smoke but Axel, to cross the finish line as the winner.

--

"We owe you one, Axel-san." Sephiroth said as the group walked out of the track. "You got us all lunch, while I had to evacuate."

"All in a day's work for The Flurry of Dancing Flames." Axel said proudly.

"Riku, are you okay?" Evora asked suddenly. The jock bishie looked pale and a bit ill.

"I think I should… sit down." he groaned.

"We're almost to McDonalds." Sephy told Riku comfortingly. "Did that fiasco make you sick?" Riku nodded miserably.

"Okay." Evora instructed. "I'll stay here with Riku-san. Sephy-san, you go to the nurse's station and get some anti-acids since Axel-san is the one that has to order the food." Sephy agreed and told Axel what he wanted for lunch, then went off to the nurse's station. Axel took the other two party members' orders and trotted off to get their lunch. He whipped out his certificate as soon as he got to the counter.

"I want two Big Macs, one with grilled onion, one with ketchup only, a 10-piece chicken nugget with ranch, a water and a large Dr. Pepper. Got it memorized?"

The guy behind the counter blinked and punched the order into the register.

--

Riku recovered remarkably quick, and to console him for missing the McDonald's lunch the bishounen let him go first at the next game.

He looked up at the lofty heights of the bell, and back down again at the striking surface, and to the hammer in his hand.

"So I just smite it, right? Like the others did at the mole game?"

"Yep. Go ahead and give it a whack."

"If you say so." Riku pulled back and hit the hammer as hard as he could.

"You little baby." Axel laughed. "It only went up to fifteen!"

"Oh yeah? Let's see you do it, you spleeny pigeon egg." Riku growled.

"Maybe I will." Axel snapped back, seizing the hammer and raining a mighty blow on the surface.

"Haha, twenty-five you clack-dish." Sephy teased. "Lemme try." He swatted the square target up to thirty-five.

"Muwaha! I beat you all!" Sephy cheered, striking a pose.

"Shut up." Riku said vainly. "Me and Axel-san put together will prevail." He and Axel took up the hammer and raised it to forty. The winning number was fifty.

"Teamwork, my friends." Evora said wisely. "Let Sephy-san help."

"I'll break the bell for you." Sephy declared.

"Just help, you codpiece."

The three each gripped the handle with one hand. Three arms raised, veins popping out. The bell did indeed ring, but not break.

"Score!" yelled Axel, as tickets were now pouring out of the game.

"Let's blow it all right now!" Riku shouted, collecting them in his arms and running off to the ticket booth.

Riku got a glowy necklace and Axel a mini electric fan. By then, the only thing Sephiroth could get was a huge stuffed bear if he wanted to use all his tickets. The prize guy pushed it on him and closed up shop.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" Sephy wailed, holding the toy like a puppy.

"Um, Sephy-san?"

"Yes?" Sephiroth turned to see Evora tugging on his sleeve.

"You can give it to me." the fangirl asked shyly.

"Aw, what the heck." Sephiroth grinned and placed the bear into her waiting arms.

"Thank you!" she squeed, blushing.

"You were right. He is pansy." Axel whispered to Riku.

--

OMG, I am amazed at how much time it's taken to finish this. Curse you, two-story building of stone and glass. I'd like to thank my little sister for being brilliant and coming up with the high point of the story for me. Now just make me come downstairs when you're watching anime, dangit! And of course Stephiroth-sensei for getting me started on this whole caper.


	5. I'm Ending It

Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first? I always choose the bad news so you get it first too XP

You may have guessed it, but this is the end. School turned out to keep me a lot busier that I expected, and if I hide in my room typing my mom gets very concerned. So like I said in the descrip, I shall be taking this down shortly.

The good news is: the story lives on! I'm pretty sure I've mentioned Gaia on my profile? Well, that's where the story started and where it continues. My username is the same there, and I also play additional characters. ((coughsilverhairedmencough)) And in that thread you will find more of the sickening out-of-character-ness you may or may not have come to love. Plus really cheesy romance…… the fluff there is worse than anything I've seen yet here on Lovely Fanfiction. If you read the RP, you shall be subject to out twisted little creepy minds, so visit at your own risk. And get ready for lots of reading, because we're at…. ((goes to check…)) 47 pages. But you come here to read, don't you?

Again, I apologize for leading you on, but I just have to let this go to be able to take care of other things.

The story really starts in the last three posts of the second page… unless you want to see the bishies' western zodiac signs O.o Yeah…. ((reads over first few pages)) The RP has that extra random spice. Random spice like crack…

I couldn't get this page to show a URL, so it's in my profile.

Happy reading!


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